Solomon, Two women, and Counseling

Most of you know that counseling married couples together in an abuse situation is a serious error. It just is not to be done. The wicked one will simply lie, wear a mask, and afterwards use the session to further attack his victim.

As I was thinking about this recently, I had some further thoughts about counseling in general – especially when the counselee is a wicked deceiver. And this thought came into my mind: How is a counselor able to counsel? The truth is, most counselors are not able to counsel. Why? Because they lack wisdom and they lack the truth. Think about it. Where does the counselor get his/her “data”? New client walks in, sits down, and the counselor asks “So, Bob, what is the problem?” (Thinking of “What About Bob” here).

Where is the counselor going to get the information? From Bob! It is Bob who tells the story. Bob who provides the data. “Everyone is against me. My wife just sets me up for failure. And now the pastor is telling me I need to get counseling. That’s why I’m here. I really want to save my marriage because I know that is what God wants.”

Think about it. Counseling is actually an impossible task unless the counselor knows the truth. Without the truth, a counselor who wades in where angels have the sense to fear to tread, is going to be like a medical doctor diagnosing and prescribing without really knowing what the problem is. And that is a disaster. Much “counseling” is a disaster – particularly so-called “biblical counseling.”

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Hold Your Theology up to the Mirror of Abuse and see if it is True

Do you know why scientists conduct experiments?  They do it to test their theories. They formulate a hypothesis in an attempt to explain some event or process observed in nature.  Plants grow toward the light.  Why?  A hypothesis is offered, but then it must be tested.  If the hypothesis is correct, then such and such should happen if we do so and so.   If gravity is what we think it is and acts upon all objects to accelerate them at the same rate, then a heavy object and lighter object should hit the ground at the same time.

I propose that a proper and accurate understanding of the mentality and tactics of domestic violence and abuse is the test case for the interpretive theories of many biblical texts.

That is to say, if our interpretation of a Scripture passage is correct, then when we apply it to a real-life scenario of a domestic abuser and his victim, our application will make sense!  We will find ourselves exercising justice and mercy for the victim, not injustice and cruelty.  The abuser will also be dealt with justly, his sin will be exposed rather than enabled, he will be called to repentance, or he will be expelled from Christ’s church.

Many, and perhaps even the majority, of evangelical churches, teachers, and Christians have long held to interpretive theories that flunk the test when applied to cases of domestic violence and abuse.

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A Powerful True Account of How False Teaching on Forgiveness is Dangerous

The following is a comment submitted to us in response to a recent post on forgiveness.  I am posting the comment here as a stand-alone post because of its importance. [We also published it on our other blog at lightfordarktimes.com] Many, many thanks to the courageous lady who wrote and shared her story with us. We want to honor her desire that as many people as possible hear what she has to say so that they too can be wise:

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The Abuser Provokes His Children to Wrath — Sermon by Ps Jeff Crippen

The Abuser Provokes His Children to Wrath
Sermon 10 from the series:  The Psychology and Methods of Sin
A 21 sermon series on domestic violence and abuse
First given on September 26, 2010
Sermon Text:  Ephesians 6:4

Ephesians 6:4 ESV Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Ephesians chapters 5 & 6 contain the Lord’s instructions to us regarding the exercise of His authority and the submission to that authority which is
to characterize the various relationships of our lives –

  • Husbands and wives
  • Fathers and children
  • Masters and slaves (employers and employees in today’s terms)

Before we are finished with this series on the topic of abuse, we will of course need to return to Ephesians 5 and deal with the whole matter of headship and submission in the husband/wife relationship. It cannot be denied that the Bible establishes a doctrine of headship in marriage, but sinful, abusive human beings have often distorted this Scripture in their attempt to justify their evil abusive practices. In particular, we want to underscore what biblical headship in marriage, in parenting, and in other relationships of life, such as in the workplace, IS NOT! 

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Waiting for Sasha – The Believer’s Certain Hope

Tit 2:11-14 For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, (12) training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, (13) waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, (14) who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.

Until last April, we had two labs – Sadie and Sasha. But Sasha (the black one) died of cancer. Sadie and Sasha were constantly together ever since puppyhood.

Now, I don’t claim to know what goes on in Sadie’s mind, but we have noticed a definite change in her behavior since Sasha left. She is a real people dog, but she chooses to sleep on the back porch and she spends lots of time during the day laying out back on the lawn, watching. So we wonder – is she waiting for Sasha? [As I write this, little does Sadie know that she is about to be joined by Cinder, a black lab/golden retriever puppy, in just a couple of days].

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Marriage is not Hard – You Have been Lied to

Gen 2:23-24 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” (24) Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

One of the primary reasons churches are so filled with unbiblical teaching and man-made tradition parading as God’s Word is that those who are doing the teaching should not be teaching anyone. Wicked doctrine is promulgated by wicked teachers. And frankly, we have been having truckloads of evil teaching dumped on us in church for decades now.

One of these lies is that marriage is hard. You hear the mantra over and over. “Well, that is tough, but you know, marriage is hard. We are all sinners. You have to work at it.” Yada, yada.

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The Abusive Man as a Servant of Righteousness — Sermon by Ps Jeff Crippen

The Abusive Man as a Servant of Righteousness – Exposing the Deceptions of Abuse
Sermon 9 from the series: The Psychology and Methods of Sin
A 21 sermon series on domestic violence and abuse
First given on September 19, 2010
Sermon Text: 2 Corinthians 11:1-21

In the years leading up to WWII, Adolf Hitler came to be viewed as a kind of savior of the German people. In fact, he was one of the greatest abusers and users of people in all history. But during the era of his popularity, the large portion of the German people served him and even loved him. They thought him a kind of servant of righteousness. Unless, of course, you happened to be a Jew. Most people ignored the reports that Jews were being slaughtered. They were deceived and, to one degree or another, we might say they preferred to be deceived. It was more comfortable than the truth.

And so it is today. Our enemy is, as he has always been, a masterful liar. He is master of the disguise. And one of his favorite disguises is that of an angel of light, a servant of righteousness. A wolf, in other words, dressed up as a sheep.

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